Few things are quite as painful as a breakup. If you weren’t the one who initiated it, it can be even more disillusioning and distressing. You might feel betrayed, and like your life is empty and pointless. Though you might be in the thick of it right now, here are some tips to help you work it through.
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- Communication in Relationships
- Take Time to Grieve
- Accept Your Circumstances
You’ve lost someone very dear to you. Much like the passing of a loved one, a breakup requires a time of grieving. Don’t try to act as if everything is fine. Once you can acknowledge the pain and grief, then you can move on to healing.
It’s so important not to cling to false hope that things might miraculously go back to the way they were. Obviously the relationship reached a point where one or both of you felt that it could not go on. Hoping vainly for a reversal of your circumstances will only prolong your pain. Accept that the relationship is over, grieve appropriately, and then let it go.
Don’t Place Blame
It’s healthy to understand the reasons behind the breakup, as you can learn and grow through your mistakes (if you made mistakes). It is not healthy, however, to play the blame game. Regardless of who initiated the breakup, you were both involved and you both hold some responsibility for the relationship going sour. Don’t place blame, and don’t look for revenge – not on yourself nor on him.
It can be really easy to dwell on the past, rehashing conversations, actions, and scenarios. You can spend a lot of time thinking about things you should or could have done differently. You might think that you could have said or done something to avoid the breakup. In the end, there’s nothing you can do to change the past. Mulling over it will only keep the wounds open.
Fill the Void
While you might not be ready to start dating again, it’s a good idea to surround yourself with people who care about you. As you re-adjust to being single, spend time with people who can be an anchor and support to you. Though you’ve lost an important person in your life, there are many more who love you dearly. Though their love isn’t romantic, it can fill the void you’re feeling and help you on your way to renewing your life.
The best way to get over the past is to focus on the future. It’s often a good idea to take up a new hobby, learn a new sport, or discover a new passion, as then you’ll be pouring much of your energy into developing this new skill. More time focused on the new means less time dwelling on the past – and that’s a good thing.
Finally, remember that there are many more fish in the sea. While you may have felt that your ex was the only one for you, and it might be hard to picture yourself with anyone else, it can be healthy to get back out on the dating scene. As they say, the best cure for an old love is a new love. The sooner you get back out there, the sooner you’ll get over the hurts and hang-ups of the past.
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